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Literature Text
Hello, dear stranger.
I heard you were ill.
Don't worry too much, though; just tell me how you feel.
Adrift with no thrill,
With goals to fulfil.
My mental health, suppressed from all the danger
Of being alone; So lonely so!
Of you holding rancor; Shatter!
For my inner peace, I sought after!
Unwittingly utterly flopping, though!
I am looking in the mirror; torn... broken.
Within, from a beating I've awoken.
Hello, dear stranger.
I wish you could heal.
I heard you were ill.
Don't worry too much, though; just tell me how you feel.
Adrift with no thrill,
With goals to fulfil.
My mental health, suppressed from all the danger
Of being alone; So lonely so!
Of you holding rancor; Shatter!
For my inner peace, I sought after!
Unwittingly utterly flopping, though!
I am looking in the mirror; torn... broken.
Within, from a beating I've awoken.
Hello, dear stranger.
I wish you could heal.
Literature
Dear Stranger
Dear Stranger,
I hope you are reading this letter before you have gone outside. I imagine you will have a few questions on your mind when you see how things are out there. Luckily, you happen to have this conveniently placed "doggy-door" through which I have slipped the letter you now hold in your hands.
First, I would like to apologize for the state of your mailbox. By this point I imagine you have ventured outside and seen a few things worth the raising of an eyebrow or two and I assure you, all will be explained. The mailbox. I am deeply sorry for the condition it is in. You may notice that the box itself is hanging askew, the flag seems
Literature
hello stranger
hello stranger, i love you.
i don't know you- your favorite band, if you like coffee. the lop-sided grin and the friendly eyes make it easy for me to think that knowing doesn't matter. i couldn't say what it is you do on saturday mornigs. the way you walk with me in the halls makes me think maybe we could be just as perfect as those five minutes. i don't know who you want to be or what you want to do. the way you talk to me makes the future become irrelevant compared to your voice right. now. i don't know who it is you admire, or whether you like kissing in the rain. thinking about life without the possibility off seeing you makes tiny raind
Literature
Hello?
I want to dial your number
and listen to the tone
ring back and fourth,
Feeling the exciting
Loneliness and Guilt,
are just consequences
if you answer 'hello?'
It's quarter past midnight.
I still remember
when you told me
that I fixed you the best,
out of all your 'friends'
What would you do
if I told you
that you're the
only that fixed me
completely,Like there
was never a crack there before.
I want to dial your number.
But I can't cause you're not the
person you were,anymore.
You're gone.
I've disappeared with you.
I'm gone.
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The rhyming structure is: a b b / b b a / c d / d c / e e / a b
The syllable structure is: 5 5 10 / 5 5 10 / 8 8 / 8 8 / 10 10 / 5 5
The penultimate line must be the same as the first one in the poem.
And... no other restrictions!
I hope you like it!Oh, and please favourite and comment; or only one of those! I'd really appreciate it!
Edit:
I made some minor edits, related to punctuation, and all thanks to the precious and kind suggestions from ~uruwashiijoshii! Again, thank you very much! Hopefully, it's more readable now!
25/03/2012
Edit 2:
I only noticed this now! This is NOT a sonnet! It doesn't have a fixed form -- I didn't count the syllables correctly.
To everyone: I'm so sorry! I didn't notice this major mistake till recently! I shall make a poem, using the aforementioned form, though!
Again, I'm sorry!
27/04/2012
Comments57
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Overall Vision Originality Technique ImpactA splendid little poem that washes over like a vicarious wave of emotion and out into the sea of society. Like a child, overcome with the stresses and woes of asking someone what's wrong and getting an earful, this splendid poem eccentrically awakens the vivid and very real possibility of a can of worms, something we've all experienced and been humiliated by, if only within a step or a word.
Plus you totally used the word "rancor", and then shattered it like a pro Force wielder who uses carbonite from extreme heights. Epic.
Vision: Wonderful artistic vision. Your structure makes it very hard to write poetry, to be honest, and I think you pulled it off wonderfully.
Originality: Beautifully original. From the terraces to the base structuring, it's almost all original except for the topic, which has been realized by everyone and is very relate-able. Perfect score because I don't believe I've ever read a poem topic like this before, just that I'm sure someone has been pressed by their mistakes enough to be sorrowful about it through prose.
Technique: So close to perfect technique! Unfortunately, you added a period in the wrong spot! In the fifth stanza, "torn, broken.". "Broken" doesn't need a period! OH GAWD WAAAIIII!!! So close!
Impact: There is only one word that is missing impact, and it seems to fall off like a waterfall that perfectly compliments the downtrodden next few lines, as though a nice frolic on a water ride that seems so happy and peaceful and then drops so viciously into a giant splash! And then you're sad because you have to wait another 2 hours to get on that splendid joy machine again. Phooey! In case you're curious, it's the word "though" in the fourth stanza. At least you get a caution sign, right before.
All in all, an absolutely wonderful piece of work! Oh how I wish I would've warned you about your correction, SO CLOSE to an absolutely perfect score! *sob*